I hadn’t realized that I was always coming across as putting myself down and how irritating women found that until Juditha pointed it out to me. I’m sorry and I’ll stop that. What is the best way a guy can be supportive of women without seeming like he’s trying to such up or putting himself down?
How to Stop Being a People Pleaser
originated by:Anna Browning, Anonymous, Ben Rubenstein, Krystle (see all)
Do you habitually give in to other people because you just can’t stand the thought of upsetting them? Do you put your needs to one side because you get a buzz from someone else’s happiness, only to find that he or she is not a bit grateful? If so, you are a classic "people pleaser," and you are, in all probability, not getting what you want out of life. It’s time to shift the focus from others to yourself, and stop being a martyr.
There’s trouble ahead when you live only for the approval of others, saying what flatters them, doing what indulges them…
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The People Pleaser Pattern:
Transforming Compliance to Autonomy
Jay Earley, PhD
This article is one of a series on the Pattern System, a way of understanding personality that leads directly to personal growth. Each article focuses on a specific personality pattern. This one highlights the People Pleaser Pattern, sometimes known as compliance.
Read over these statements to see if they apply to you under some circumstances:
-I try to be who someone wants me to be.
-I am afraid to rock the boat.
-It is hard for me to know what I want.
-I avoid speaking my mind.
-I find it easier to go along with what someone wants or with their opinion.
-I fantasize about a strong person taking over my life and making it work.
-It is hard for me to express my feelings when they are different from someone I’m close to.
-It is difficult for me to say No.
-I avoid getting angry.
-It is hard for me to take initiative.
-I try to be nice rather than expressing how I really feel.
-I want everyone to get along.
If these statements fit you in certain situations, you may have a People Pleaser Pattern. It isn’t necessary that they apply to you across the board. You may be compliant only with certain people or in certain situations. Personality patterns aren’t the same as personality types. If you have this pattern, it doesn’t me that you are a People Pleaser, just that a part of you is, and it doesn’t have to be a dominant or pervasive part…